One of the simple joys of life...

There are few things in this life I treasure more than my testimony and music. My friends happen to be one of those. There are so many times that I have thought a lot about how on earth I was blessed enough to have friends that would accept me for me and the entire me... not just the socially straight part but all my quirks and my gay me. Who couldn't love friends like that? I feel liberated while I hang with the Family because they are just that; Family. I don't feel like I need to pose as some perfect little "Peter Priesthood", granted I'm no angel, I'm not a devil either. I'm Merely me... Human as they come.



I recently have had things working out for me and opportunities have begun to develop into possibilities. I am getting rid of old roommates that are jerks and others that seem to have lost their care for what happens in my life. In many ways I have started a new epic chapter in my life. I was told I was a good writer the other day, although I have my great doubts about that; I finally had to just say thanks for the compliment. I have a problem of comparing my 1 watt candle to others strengths which appear to me to be a lighthouse beacon in comparison. That isn't fair for me or them. But one of the great joys of life is that we all have something we are innately good at; some unique thing about us that makes us the one and only us.



I've been realizing the synergy that a circle of friends creates. There is a completeness that is more apparent and present when we combine talents together to make a functional group capable of tackling challenges... and able to offer greater support and understanding... I don't know where I was actually going with that train of thought.. but It's about time I head to class so this is my stop... I'm getting off now. Hopefully you who read this understand the part you play in my circle of friends. Thanks for being there for me.

Whispers of a past and a future with friends...

It never ceases to amaze me how much I have in common with how I grew up and how my friends grew up. Yet, on the other hand it still surprise me how much we've had different experiences. I've not had to "deal with" certain issues for as long as some have and I know that I still feel like I have a lot of the same challenges today. There are a lot of things I still don't fully understand about my life in general and my deepest thoughts... And still I continue to discover what I think when I talk to friends .. albeit at 4 am at times.

I see how much of my time I have passed in the last three years dealing with self-definition and exploration; and at the same time having to come to grips with reality. When I say reality it encompasses more than what is actually there in the obvious daylight. I mean the relative realities we all create in our minds.. the reality where we believe this is all some kind of joke on us and when we are not in eh room people aren't people at all, they just don't exist until they play another role in our life. In one scene and out till the next act... Like some Shakespearean play or movie. In the movies you generally follow the main character the whole time. you see what they do and how they interact with others .. Yet those others kind of don't exist except for the parts they have scripted to be shown.

A reality of how you wish or believe things to be. that is another one I have thought of.. are things just the way they are because I think they should be that way? Do my thoughts have that much control? Am I here to determine what is real to me... or is reality something we discover that is constant in spite of our ever changing places in it while the masses shift around a pivotal truth?

perhaps this isn't well thought out for an entry but it is almost 5am .. And I haven't slept yet.

Things happen

Well, to make a long story short, time often seems to work against me. As I take the time to contemplate the things that are on my mind I realize my scholastic life is slamming me with deadlines and latework which only cheapens the grade I get out the said classes. If time were more controllable, or perhaps if I were better at prioritizing my weeks... who knows. I just know that I feel it's almost more important to spend some quality time with the friends and homework seems to get in the way. That is one reason the summer will be a nice change of pace, but I still feel the need to reform my dicipline in the homework wars.

Tonight is going to be busy trying to finish up all sorts of homeworks and lab work.. yet all I want to really do is chill with the guys. Is it so hard to believe I could actually get both done?
It is easier said than done... but perhaps Im in need of an overhaul of my procrastination and get on top of things so I can do what I want to when I want to. Well back to the paper.. stupid homework..

Why the Wandering Shepherd?

A shepherd is a symbol of many things for me. A care-giver, a leader, a guardian, and above all a true friend. In so many ways I feel inclined to be such a pillar and guide, yet I know that I am far from perfect in all my foibles and weaknesses. How can such an imperfect servant himself be a guide to others? Perhaps in my path there are others that could benefit from my experience and avoid the pitfalls I have come to know so well. I don't know how I can fully express that desire to help, yet feeling helpless at the same instant.

Thus the use of Wandering. A shepherd should know the path and guide his flock, he should know how to care for each of his own. But for me, I'm still finding my way through it all. I don't intend to wax allegorical, and I can't really say these thoughts are all-inclusive and comprehensive. There is a lot out there to be discovered and explored.

My beacons are lit for me and I see them from time to time, yet sometimes I look away for a season and it takes me a while to regain my bearings.

This Blog is just going to be introspections on my own struggles that few who read this will truly understand the way I feel them. My writing is far from eloquent and clear, I just hope I don't forget myself and my own goals with all that goes on.